Friday, 4 March 2016

d100 Strange Encounters on the Silk Road - an homage to Elfmaids and Octopi

if this was actually written by Chris Tamm it would have been better

just imagine its all in white text on a black background

writing these is much harder than it looks

d100 Strange Encounters on the Silk Road
  1. Mercenaries looking for work or opportunities for casual robbery
  2. Bounty hunters asking passers-by if they've seen a wanted criminal
  3. Merchants with pack mules carrying boring cargo to conceal illegal contraband goods within
  4. Merchant with 2d6 guards one of them is a wanted criminal on the run from bounty hunters
  5. Merchant with 3d6 guards one of them is an evil spirit in disguise
  6. Missionaries preaching strange new faith to anyone who will listen
  7. Missionaries escorting wonder-working relic to newly-established temple
  8. Inquisitor travelling with squad of enforcers to purge heretical opinions which have sprung up among new converts in the region
  9. Two groups of rival missionaries arguing about religion, debate will soon erupt into open violence, bystanders making bets on outcome
  10. Warband of steppe nomads looting anything valuable
  11. Military unit en route to deliver reprisals against nearby nomads for recent raids
  12. Mercenary band trying to recruit more manpower for latest war against the steppe nomads
  13. Local guide offers to reveal a 'shortcut' - actually working with local bandits
  14. Bandit gang waiting to ambush passing caravans
  15. Bandit gang attacks under cover of magical darkness
  16. Bandit gang actually evil spirits in disguise
  17. Bandit gang actually mad cultists looking for sacrifices
  18. Bandit gang actually cannibal clan looking for dinner
  19. 1d6 prisoners just escaped from bandit gang, weak and starving, bandits are chasing them and will arrive after 1d4 hours
  20. Evil spirit pretending to be wandering holy man, tries to lead people astray with false teachings
  21. Wandering philosopher teaches wisdom when not totally drunk
  22. Wandering martial artists seek to test their skills in combat
  23. Wandering martial arts master seeks further enlightenment
  24. 1d6 Taoist alchemists looking for secret of immortality
  25. High-status courtesan en route to distant city with guards, servants, eunuchs
  26. Troupe of dancers (equal chance of girls or boys) on their way to perform at a religious festival
  27. Weird creepy mystic asks unsettling questions, talks to human skull
  28. Scary ascetics demand that you renounce the pleasures of the flesh
  29. Travelling musicians and acrobats put on spectacular performances to provide cover for thieves working the audience
  30. Merchant trying to transport cargo of fresh exotic fruit to nearby despot before it goes off, running out of time and getting frantic
  31. Soldiers working for local despot shaking down travellers in the name of 'collecting tolls'
  32. Rival holy men compete with one another to perform ascetic feats, won't stop until somebody gives up or dies
  33. Travelling menagerie of exotic animals - not all of them have yet been properly tamed
  34. Foreign magician travelling in search of arcane wisdom with guards, slaves, apprentices, views everyone else with contempt
  35. Travelling merchants actually spies for distant foreign power
  36. Travelling merchants actually creepy cultists on their way to unholy hidden temple
  37. Travelling merchants actually ghosts of merchants murdered by bandits, true nature only revealed after dark
  38. Travelling gamblers looking for easy marks
  39. Group of escaped slaves on epic journey back to their distant homeland, constantly looking over their shoulders
  40. Astronomer on his way to far-off observatory from which he hopes to observe upcoming eclipse, hopefully gaining cosmic powers in the process
  41. Explorers en route to lost city
  42. Treasure hunters returning from lost city, covered in injuries, selling ancient treasures at knock-down prices, 50% chance that anything they sell bears some kind of horrible curse
  43. Travelling scholar actually immortal being recently released from lost city by incautious treasure hunters, seeking to learn about the world as a prelude to rebuilding its lost empire
  44. High-status noblewoman being escorted by guards and slaves for arranged marriage to a far-off prince, she is rebellious and will run off if given a chance
  45. Band of grizzled war veterans heading home at last, carrying the cremated remains of their dead comrades
  46. Band of grizzled war veterans too damaged to return to civilian life now looking for a new war to fight in
  47. Traveller from distant land taking notes and drawing maps, keeps talking about how he's going to write a book about his travels and it will make him rich and famous
  48. Holy warriors searching for hidden temple of evil powers hoping to destroy it
  49. Foreign scholars seeking knowledge, will pay huge sums for valuable books and literary works
  50. Band of adventurers with weird captive monster in cage looking for someone to sell it to
  51. Drug dealers selling strange and potent opiates
  52. Master weaponsmith en route to distant city to forge a ceremonial sword for its king
  53. Messenger carrying message of vital importance riding as fast as possible, accompanied by 1d10 horses which he is systematically riding to death one at a time in his haste to get his message to its destination
  54. Diplomats travelling to a far-off kingdom in the hope of settling a trade dispute
  55. Diplomats travelling to a far-off kingdom in the hope of preventing a war
  56. Diplomats travelling to a far-off kingdom in the hope of finding allies for a war their country is already engaged in
  57. Diplomats travelling to a far-off kingdom, carrying flattering portraits of their king in the hope of arranging an advantageous royal marriage
  58. Diplomats travelling to a far-off kingdom to discuss boring treaty, actually have secret orders to try to start a war by insulting everyone
  59. Exiled conspirators fleeing failed coup in far-off city
  60. Criminals on the run from the law
  61. Lawmen from nearby city in pursuit of criminals, desperate to catch them before they cross the border into another kingdom
  62. Bored aristocratic hedonist looking for new pleasures to excite him
  63. Travelling exorcist offers to remove curses and drive out evil spirits for the right price
  64. Pilgrims travelling to distant shrine
  65. Pilgrims actually bandits in disguise
  66. Pilgrims actually disguised warriors from a rival sect, plan to murder everyone at the shrine as soon as they arrive
  67. Pilgrims actually benevolent spirits, will bless those who give them alms and treat them kindly
  68. Travelling healer on their way to heal a sick princess whose father has offered a fortune to anyone who can save her
  69. Travelling healer actually master poisoner, looking for freelance work
  70. Political radicals with dangerous ideas talk wildly about revolution to anyone who will listen
  71. Travelling musician actually badass hero travelling incognito, will butcher anyone who harms the innocent while she is nearby
  72. Team of engineers lead slaves dragging prototype war machine en route for battlefield testing in a distant warzone
  73. Ragged prophet rants about coming doom
  74. Band of refugees fleeing religious persecution, carrying their most sacred scriptures and relics with them
  75. Band of refugees fleeing war in nearby kingdom, carts heaped high with all their earthly possessions
  76. Wandering poet looking for inspiration
  77. Seller of curios offers strange treasures for sale, some of them even do what she says they do
  78. Travelling fortune teller offers to foretell your fate
  79. Dispossessed nobleman makes fantastical promises of wealth and power to anyone who will join him in a suicidal attempt to retake his home city from the unstoppable steppe warlord who has conquered it
  80. Man possessed by demons yells obscene gibberish, everyone avoids him
  81. Would-be revolutionaries travelling to distant city where they will try to assassinate the reigning king
  82. Travelling merchants wearing full-face veils, actually weird inhuman creatures from the deep desert bearing a freakish cargo
  83. Travelling merchants bearing cargo of glassware, very valuable and very fragile, freak out if anyone even looks like they might bump into anything
  84. Servants of foreign wizard en route to distant city where they hope to buy certain rare components he needs for his arcane rituals
  85. Funerary procession bearing the corpse of a foreign dignitary home so that he can be buried in his family tomb complex, where they will then commit suicide so that they can continue to serve him in the afterlife
  86. Hero riding enchanted fire-breathing horse, no-one else can ride it
  87. Steppe shaman on vision quest communing with the spirits of the land and wind
  88. Unscrupulous slavers travelling with human cargo, not above snatching travellers if they think they're unlikely to be missed
  89. Wonder-working artificer on mechanical steed, surrounded by a singing cloud of mechanical songbirds
  90. Repentant ex-bandit offers to accompany travellers and protect them from the dangers of the road as penance for his past sins
  91. Young man seeking to accomplish deeds of valour in order to impress his beloved
  92. Young lovers on the run, vengeful parents are 1d6 days behind them but gaining steadily
  93. Invisible spirits persecute travellers and make life miserable for everyone
  94. Group of steppe nomads en route to major tournament where they will display their skills in wrestling, archery, and horsemanship
  95. Bloodthirsty ghosts try to lure travellers off the path and kill them in the same place where they were killed
  96. Bankrupted merchant has invested everything in one last cargo, totally reckless, willing to take any kind of risk provided it offers a slim chance of turning a profit
  97. Travelling students en route to distant university where they hope to study with a famous scholar, offer impromptu classes to other travellers in order to cover their expenses
  98. Travelling architect with plans for a temple that came to them in a dream, going from city to city looking for a king rich and/or mad enough to commission them to actually build it
  99. Holy man travelling with mostly-repentant cannibal giant whom he has converted, giant is sincere in his desire to swear off the eating of human flesh but still has occasional relapses
  100. Wandering band of weird inhuman creatures, sad and homeless, talk longingly of the glory days of their now-forgotten pre-human civilisation and ask people to pray for them